Adoption ramblings...

Ah...the frustrations of the non-fertile. As the waiting period for China lengthens and lengthens I am now second-guessing our decision to adopt from there. Is the wait going to be two years? Three? Four or (gasp!) even more? Should we proceed as we are planning or should we jump ship now and switch to another country (which will mean switching placement agencies, too, since our agency only does China adoptions)? Is it ethical to apply to two countries at the same time, knowing that we only want one more child and would pull one application as soon as a referral from the other country came through?

All along we have hoped for two daughters...just because I have never been around baby boys, little boys, boys at all--other than boy friends once I was in high school and college. China would allow us to request a girl. Vietnam has many more boys available for adoption than girls...I know I would love any child who joined our family but when I picture our family complete it has never included a boy--it's odd to even consider it (but also a little fun to consider it, I must admit). Maybe it stems from having been raised by a widowed mom and that I had no brothers (or sisters!). I don't know what it is (and I certainly don't mean to offend anyone with precious boys--I still love 'em!!!) but it makes me sad to think that we couldn't request a girl through most agencies which work with Vietnam. And some agencies aren't even taking new families now because they have such long waitlists.

Then I wonder if a boy and a girl would be as close as two of the same sex could potentially be? Again, not having any siblings I have no idea how I would've felt about a brother or a sister. I never really longed for either. Munchkin knows we are trying to adopt from China and has been excited about a future sister...will she feel the same if sister ends up being brother?!

Crap. What to do, what to do. Meanwhile, the paperchase continues...just not sure who/where we're paperchasing and if it's all for naught in the end...