Monday, October 30, 2006

"Your biography becomes your biology"

Meaning your parents are just as important as your genes.

I read this in an article on IF (infertility) by Marcelle Pick, ARNP. I don't know if I agree that your biography BECOMES your biology but I do think that one's environment is at least as important as one's genes. Interesting to think about anyway...wish I had more time to explore it tonight.

Dad...

He would be 80 years old today. Instead, as I mentioned before, he's eternally 41. I'm older, right now, than he ever got to be. Weird. How I wonder what he would be like at 80; how our lives (mine, Mom's) would be different. He missed all my graduations, mom's retirement and the golden years with her, my wedding to BikeBoy, Munchkin. He missed concerts and birthday parties, recitals and vacations, Thanksgivings, Christmases, Halloweens, anniversaries. He wasn't there to wipe away tears, to bandage skinned knees, to hug and cuddle me when I still so desperately needed it. He missed time. Time to be a husband, a son, a brother, a father, a friend, a grandfather, an uncle. He missed it all.

And what a great man he was. Kind, gentle, soft-spoken. Lean and lanky. He loved sports, especially baseball. He had a smile and a wave for everyone. He could sing and play guitar. He could yodel! He had a soothing voice and he smelled like the cologne "Canoe." He had beautiful thick dark hair and hazel eyes.

I miss you, Dad. I speak with you every night but what I wouldn't give to spend even an hour with you today, to get to know you--even briefly--from my adult POV vs the 6 yr old child POV from 1968. I love you.

Forever your little girl...oxoxoxox,
T

Saturday, October 28, 2006

Thoughts of Eddie...

For some reason this old Beatles' tune had me crying tonight. I was listening to Paul McCartney sing the song "For No One" on t.v. When he got to these lyrics, I just thought of my "brother" Eddie:

Your day breaks, your mind aches
There will be time when all the things
(he) said will fill your head
You won't forget (him)


In context of the entire song it doesn't remind me of Eddie at all but this one phrase stuck out and pierced me like a tiny dagger. I hope he knew how much I loved him...how I wish he could have met Munchkin...how I wish he could have lived to be an old man.

And, tomorrow my dad would have turned 80...instead of eternally being 41.

Damn cigarettes...they have murdered so many who meant so much to me.

I guess I'll be a doctor for Halloween...

Munchkin and I were riding back from the auto mechanic yesterday (fixed my car, still under warranty, some crank sensor or something). Somehow we started talking about education and I explained that most people go through elementary school, junior high and high school; some of those people go on to graduate from college; some of those people get masters degrees (like mama and dada); and some of those go on to get doctorates (like mama). Mama has a doctorate, "Dr. Mama," I jokingly said! Then Munchkin says, "That's okay, Mama...you can be a doctor if you want for Halloween." Jeesh...I can't get any respect for this DPT no matter where I turn! ;)

An evening with old friends...

What an afternoon! On the occasion of a grad school friend and her beau coming to town from Hawaii one of our friends organized a get-together and we held it here at our house (more central location). There were 5 of us classmates, 5 significant others, 5 kids from age one to six. They were here from 1:00 pm until nearly 7:00 pm and it was wonderful. We slid easily back into the friendships even though with a couple of exceptions we hadn't seen each other for about 9 years. It was potluck so there was more food than you could imagine but the company was the best thing. It was so odd, though, thinking back 9 years...there have been 2 marriages, 4 births and one adoption since then. All of us PTs are working part-time as PTs now (even one male!), two of us have doctorates now and a third is working towards one. And everyone looked the same! Now we're all in our 30s and 40s but we all still look good. And such cute kids!!! Of course, Munchkin is the cutest but they were all pretty darned cute...and no fighting or arguing. Just a really nice day. It was sad to see them all go...especially T and J, knowing they were headed back to HI and I don't know when I'll see them again. :(

Friday, October 27, 2006

The Halloween Dilemma

Munchkin can't make up her mind as to who/what she wants to "be" for Halloween...Supergirl, Kiki (from Kiki's Delivery Service), a cat (she was a cat last year), Cruella DeVil. I thought she had narrowed it down to Kiki and was preparing for that when, yesterday--she's watching "Dora's Halloween" and Dora asks us out in tv-land, "What are YOU gonna be for Halloween?" and Mia happily screams, "A DALMATION PUPPY!"

WTF?! She's never mentioned that one before...don't know what I'm gonna do...

Wednesday, October 25, 2006

Last night's Fairy Story

Hmmm? What does this mean?

Last night I was about to tell Munchkin her Fairy Story, and she sometimes gives me the details she wants in it, you know?...who, where, etc. So she says, "I wanna push "J" down and break his works."

Well, J is a friend (neighbor who also goes to preschool w/Munchkin, he's a year younger but outweighs her by about 10 lbs) who lately has been pushing Munchkin...kind of tackles her over and over...every time they get together (at home, at school, at the park...). It's hard to handle...sometimes Munchkin laughs, sometimes she hates it. J's mom isn't very firm about him stopping the behavior which makes it awkward for me to handle if I am there, too. I usually tell Munchkin to say, "Stop it! Stop pushing me! I don't like it!" I'm sure J finds this hard to believe during the times when Munchkin is actually laughing about it. Other times she has bumped her head hard on the ground and it hasn't been so funny. :(

And the part of her comment about breaking his works? Well, "works" are what individual projects are called at Munchkin's Montessori preschool. I asked her if J has ever broken her works and she says 'no'...has she ever broken his works?...again, 'no'. Not sure if there are other things going on here but I am tempted to contact her teacher if it comes up again.

And, another thing...this little boy is beginning to remind me an awful lot of his father. That is NOT a good thing. I'm wondering a little if there is more than arguing and shouting going on at home between his mom and dad. It worries me a little and I don't know what to do or say.

Suggestions welcome for any of the above!

Thursday, October 19, 2006

Hello, my name is NomadicOne and I'm a...

tapaholic.

I cannot believe how addicted to tap I am getting. I google it. I practice steps while cooking dinner. I come home from a walk and sneak 5 minutes to put on my tap shoes and stomp around the kitchen to a Chuck Prophet song. I listen intently to the drum parts in all my favorite songs now...wondering what steps might fit. I borrowed a film ("Bootmen") from the library and watched it tonight...rewinding parts to try to decipher the freakin' steps.

I'm hopeless. In my mind, I am free and I am Savion Glover. I know that sounds weird! It is weird but it's how I feel. I feel so cool tapping until I glance in the mirror and see the dorky, middle-aged, white woman staring back at me, dancing clumsily around the studio. Crap.

And, my f-ing knee is f-ed up. Tonight I applied arnica cream and took tylenol and rubbed my knee, speaking the kindest of thoughts to it. Maybe I haven't expressed my appreciation and thankfulness lately...

I will tap away, however, until I need knee surgery, anyway!

Free Ice Cream...

What could be better? Munchkin had a coupon for a free Coldstone Creamery ice cream for her birthday but it expires tomorrow so we went tonight to imbibe. It was cold and rainy and dark but...who cares?!!!!...IT'S ICE CREAM!

She stands before the counter, peering in at all the big vats of creamy sweetness and says, "I want that one." (there are, like, 20 tubs of ice cream) So I say, "Which one, honey?" And, again she says, "That one." This goes on two or three more times with me pointing to a different color/flavor until I am finally hitting the jackpot when I point to the bright blue option. The gal behind the counter gives her a taste spoon of it, telling me that "lots of kids choose this one." So I ask, "What is it?" thinking it might be raspberry or something. No...it's COTTON CANDY. And Munchkin wants M&Ms mixed in. Yikes. Sugar rush. Sugar high. Sugar buzz. I see it all coming and it's 7:00 p.m. (big sigh) But...it was for her birthday so I should let her choose and I do and that's what she picked.

We got our ice cream "to go" (JFTR, I got sinless vanilla with pineapple, banana, and coconut mixed in) and headed home. When we are walking up the steps into the house Munchkin says, "I'm thinking about hot chocolate."

Needless to say, since we were carrying an armload of sugar disguised as ice cream, hot chocolate was not on the agenda...how about a little "NightyNight" kids' herbal tea, sweetie?

Wednesday, October 18, 2006

QuizGalaxy!
'What" will your obituary say?' at QuizGalaxy.com


Well...that's an improvement...the first time I plugged in my info it told me I'd be missed by the "shady toll booth guy." Yuck.

Tuesday, October 17, 2006

300,000,000 people...

So why are we glad about this number...our new USA population figure as of 7:30 a.m.? I know most people aren't cheering about it but I saw something on the morning news and it sounded like freakin' New Year's Eve!!!

My thoughts on this whole population issue are a little harsh, I guess. I truly think people should not procreate as much as they do. I know how strong the biological urge is but I think we should--at most--replace ourselves, you know? If you want more than one child (or two if you are part of a couple) then the rest should be adopted (and, better yet, adopt them all!).

It's not so much that I cringe at the fact that we in the USA have over 300 M residents but that this just adds to the overall world figure. How much longer can Mother Earth support us all?

And, I'm not really grumpy tonight...just rambling! :)

#3 Reason why I hate kids' birthday parties...

Dd was playing with her stuffed animals...putting them in a circle and making them pass around a little yellow wand (similar to the glow stick passed around at the party)...as her singing stopped, the animal holding the wand was "out" and she would pretend he was crying and she'd hand him to grandma to be comforted. :( This was two days after the party. Jeesh. I vow to never make her play any party games at her own parties!

Monday, October 09, 2006

#2 reason why I hate kids' birthday parties...

Because, when the birthday girl's little sister is diagnosed the next day with hand-foot-mouth virus it really screws up your week!

In actuality I feel very badly for this little one...my dd had the mouth sores strain of this virus almost three yrs ago and it is horrid. But, I was told that if you've had one strain it is still possible to get the second strain (hand and foot sores which is what my friend's dd has right now)...so, since we have our own 4th birthday party coming up next weekend--I'm crossing fingers that dd, mom and I don't get this virus (and that no one else in my friend's family or any other party guests get it either as I don't want any of them to be sick!).

So...here's to good, healthy thoughts for all of us!

Why I hate kids' birthday parties...

DD, my mom, and I attended a neighbor's 4th bday party today. There were "games" involved for the first time. DD didn't really understand but they played musical chairs and a few other games including a hot potato-type game. My precious little dd was out first in both the musical chairs game and the hot potato game. Heck, it's chance...no skill, just chance. She didn't cry at all the 2nd time and the first time she cried but I don't think it's because she was first out...it seemed a delayed reaction that she just wasn't still 'in.' Out of the 9 kids there more than half of them cried when they were 'out.' Wailing, confused, screaming cries. And then one of the dad's says, "It just gets them ready for the business world." WTF? Business world? They are four fucking years old! There is plenty of time to ready them for the (myriad) disappointments and failures in life...why do we have to start w/stupid party games when they are four? If I had wanted my dd's guests to play games I would've made sure to give some type of tiny consolation prize to the kids as they became "out" and then the winner would've gotten a bigger prize.

I don't know why this bummed me out...like I said, dd didn't even get it and the 2nd time cared not one iota that she was out (that round the bday girl herself went out 2nd and pouted her lip out and screamed her head off--so there!). Tonight during her affirmations I added "I am a winner." Dd asked why I added it so I told her I wanted her to know that, even if she loses at a game--especially a party game that doesn't matter--she is still a good, kind, nice, smart, special, safe, loved person and that makes her a real winner in life.

Sunday, October 08, 2006

Just a fun day!

Wow! Busy all day today!

It started w/dd's first piano lesson, "Move Over Mozart" for 3-4 yo kiddos. 30 minutes, very fun!

Then it was off to our first Tiny Tots symphony concert (Bartok)...we sped over the floating bridge and into downtown with about 5 min to spare. Wonderful show by Identical Harmony backed by a string quartet! Followed this up w/a short visit (free!) to the symphony's own discovery museum.

Then we were off to see "The Parade on Parade"...an exhibition of Macy's balloons, etc. It was very fun...dd got to touch a big Macy's balloon (it was Henrietta Hippo and it 'bent down' to kiss her!)...she got some free swag and she, grandma, and I got our picture taken!

Finally, almost 7 hours later, we were home to munch on some "mush" (what dd calls oatmeal...her request for dinner) and relax.

How I love having my mom here to hang out with us!

Tuesday, October 03, 2006

Korean Chusok Festival thoughts...

We attended a wonderful Chusok last Saturday evening. Delicious food, beautiful music/dance/drumming, wonderful friends. Yet, I felt sad...I look around the room and see families such as ours...mirror images which should be comforting (for lack of a better word). But, then I look again and see overweight, old Caucasian parents w/beautiful Korean kids. That's part of what makes me feel sad. I can't even explain it but I have felt that way before at a festival for Internationally Adopted Families. And I don't mean to be "weightist" since, until a few weeks ago, I was overweight--nearing obesity--myself (thank you weightwatchers!) and it's pretty obvious that I am old and Caucasian!

I think the other thing that makes me sad is that I feel the losses...the loss of biological connections for kids and parents. Not that it really matters...love beats genetics anyday, truthfully, but there is still loss and it is still palpable to me when I see families where the children and the adults are of different races. And, I realize that many parents adopted not due to infertility but many did suffer the losses related to infertility before taking the road to adoption. I feel those losses, too. With domestic adoptions the (sometimes) sameness of race masks some of the things that are (sometimes) apparent w/international adoption. I don't weigh the loss for the children and the parents the same, either...the parents still get to parent a child and have a family but they still get to know some of their own genetic history (unless they were adoptees themselves)...the children don't get to know a single person who shares their genes until they themselves have a biological child. I can't imagine what that feels like...I wish I knew so that I could help dd deal with it if she ever has questions/issues.

And it also looks silly to me to see the moms adorn their big hanboks...and even sillier to see the dads in hanboks. I wonder how KADs feel about that? Would they prefer their parents wear their typical American clothing or would they prefer they dress in traditional Korean finery? I noticed that one of the women there (an AP and a KAD herself) was just dressed in jeans (like I was)...and her son wasn't wearing a hanbok. Not that there's anything wrong with whatever one decides...just rambling thoughts!

Monday, October 02, 2006

Move over Savion Glover!

Okay, so I'm really not all that coordinated but this tap dancing class is becoming my favorite thing! Yes, I look down at my feet while I dance (who wants to look in the mirror at what is staring back at me???)...yes, it takes me several tries to learn a new combo or riff. But...it's totally cool...not the tap dancing I was familiar with as a child (okay, even as an 18 yo...I actually took tap for PE credit in college!)...we are dancing to stuff like Lucinda Willams and Pink Martini. Nevermind that my teacher is 19. Yes...I said "19." I could easily be her mom. And my 3 yo is also taking tap (different school, different teacher). AND, my 80 yo mom...NO--she's not dancing...worse...she wants to come WATCH ME dance! There is something totally wrong about her wanting to watch me tap when 40 years ago she was watching me tap for the first time when I was 4 or 5. Just too weird for me to comprehend! (But I might let her come anyway!)

Anyway...I now can't wait until I have 15 min alone in the house to put on my capezios and some jazz and tap away. Paddle and rolls, cramp rolls, spanks, scuffs...it's a whole new world out there! :)