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Adoptive parents wearing hanboks. I don't like it. I won't ever do it. I think it is wrong, personally, although some of my friends obviously don't think that it is since they do it.
Thank goodness for Mee Hee Park's comment and Sang-Shil's response to it on 1/12 and 1/13 (see the post from 1/11 "Who's Your Appa?"). I've never voiced my opinion on this before (other than here!)--too embarrassed that my opinion will offend/hurt my friends but I never thought about the act of wearing the hanbok as being truly offensive to Korean adoptees themselves. I have thought that they might think it was odd but I never imagined that it might go deeper than that. How timely is this, too, since when we were asked by one of the local Korean Adoptee/Family organizations (which runs the Lunar New Year celebration and a summer camp program) to attend a ceremony for Korean-American Day at the State Capitol Building last weekend (which we missed, unfortunately) we were told that adults should basically wear-em-if-you've-got-em (regarding hanboks, that is)...so they wanted the adoptive families in their hanboks, too.
I always think that much of Munchkin's culture is to be shared...Korean art, Korean music, Korean traditions, Korean food. But I feel so uncomfortable at the thought of wearing Korean traditional dress--I feel that privilege is hers and hers alone and that it is almost irreverent for me to even think of it.
OTOH, I do have a necklace which says "mom" in Korean on it...I wear it often and love it. I never ever thought that this made me Munchkin's Korean Mom or that I somehow replaced her Korean Mom by wearing the necklace with the word on it. It makes me think twice about that now. I may still wear it but at least I'm mindfully wearing it now when I do. We don't call Munchkin's birthmom Umma we refer to her as Birth Mama or Korean Mom and sometimes First Mom.
And, JFTR, I do consider our family unit to be Korean now. Just as --when BikeBoy and I married-- I considered our family to be Irish/Native American (both via BikeBoy) as well as French-Canadian/English/Scottish (all via me)...we are now partly Korean as a family, too. But that does not make ME a Korean-American, nor does it make Munchkin a Korean-American-French-Canadian-Irishman. She is Korean by birth, American by citizenship so she is, therefore, Korean-American now. That's it.
So, a big thank you to Sang-Shil and Mee Hee Park for their thoughts which I had the opportunity to read today! I have Sang-Shil's blog on my feeds list now--hoping to learn more (or at least open my eyes more!).
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2 comments:
For myself, I have to respectfully disagree at least on the Ethiopian side of things. As we have been fortunate enough to have a somewhat "open" adoption of our 2 Eth. daughters, I have been 'adopted' into our Ethiopian family at their insistance. Quite an honor and something I cherish. We were all given traditional outfits by the girls' grandmother (costing much more than she has to spend) and so we wear them with pride on occasion. I consider myself to also be Ethiopian as my daughters are also American, and we all are thrilled to be both. Not taking away from the opinions expressed in your post, but JMO it seems to help our daughters fit in here if we have also tried to fit in there.
xoxo
B
B, always so glad for your perspective, dear friend! Really! :)
It's interesting how different the two countries are and, if I were in your shoes I honestly believe I would feel much the same way as you've just described (maybe not 100% the same but very close). In fact, if Munchkin ever asks me to wear a hanbok I would go get one immediately and wear it whenever she desires! But, the Korean community--at least in my current experience--is still mixed on this. Maybe it's because, however happy Korean people are that their children are finding forever families, it is still a "shameful" (not IMO) situation that these beautiful children come predominantly from unwed mothers and also that the Korean people themselves aren't adopting "their own children." I don't feel that it as as warm and welcoming a feeling as you describe from the Ethiopian community...or at least not in the same manner. I do feel that Korean families I have met here are very happy to know us and to share their culture with us, maybe feeling somewhat protective of our Korean children, but it still is not the same as what I understand from your experience with the Ethiopian community.
Now...how will I handle this native dress situation if/when we adopt from Ethiopia? I would, of course, do what will not disrespect our newest child and her Ethiopian family/culture--but will Munchkin then feel sad that we are not wearing hanboks on Korean holidays, etc.? I think I will need to be flexible on this one in the future. I do not believe, however, that I will ever truly feel or be Korean or Ethiopian (as much as I would like to).
I'm so glad you shared your thoughts today...I hope I didn't offend you (or anyone reading this by chance). This is why I only share the link to my thoughts with a very few close friends...I hope you/they know me well enough that I love you all despite our differing opinions and still respect choices you all make (which I might or might not agree with--that includes my friends who voted for GWB, even!).
xoxo,
T
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